deep clean ruminations 

It’s been a while since I’ve cleaned my room. The last time I did a deep clean (besides the deep clean we had to do during the last week of Track 1 at IHOP-KC) was about a year ago. And when I say ‘clean’, I mean a deep clean – going through EVERY SINGLE drawer and box and compartment and shelf I can see and deciding if what’s in there is worth keeping.  I came to a conclusion about myself in the midst of the piles of stuff around me – I hoard stuff. I REALLY DO. I keep anything that has the tiniest amount of sentiment attached to it. If a kid gave me a little flower made out of paper, ready to fall apart, I keep it. I found farewell gifts given to me before I moved here to Australia. I found little notes that were at least 10 years of age from my high school days – those have already fallen apart and were held together by tape and prayers.

Sure, those things reminded me of the good ol’ days when life was a bit more simple and less stressful. Except for high school though – high school takes adolescent dramas to a new level. My high school years taught me a lot of things about myself and it has molded me into the person I am today, but really, I am so glad to be out of that season because I do not want to sit through all the teenage dramas again.

But that’s besides the point.

My point is, no matter how much sentimental value those things had, they accumulate and they eventually become junk. They take up unnecessary space in my room where better things could’ve been. To be honest, there comes a point when we’ll have to choose between keeping them or getting rid of them. They don’t decrease in value in terms of sentiment, but it merely decreases in importance.

So two hours later, I ended up sitting in the middle of my room with piles and piles and piles of stuff around me. The stuff-I-decided-to-throw-away pile was A LOT TALLER than the keep pile. It’s amazing sometimes how we just keep stuff and we forget that we had them because it was that long ago.

I also came to the this realization – our hearts are like this too. We keep and treasure memories of the past, constantly reminiscing and wishing that we were in that season again, or hoping that season would come back again. But then what happens is that it never happens.

We keep going back to the past and we never fully appreciate the present. 

We get so caught up in the ‘have-been’s and we push away the ‘can-be’s  and ‘could-be’s. 

The ‘have-been’s take up space in our hearts where the ‘can-be’s should be.

Friends, I find myself doing this so often to be honest. I keep reminiscing about my season at IHOP, without knowing that me being melancholic and reminiscint takes my attention away from the present and from the future I should be investing in.

This stops today. I’m going to turn my eyes away from worthless things (in all sense of the word) and fix my eyes on the things that matter in the present and the things that will matter in the future.

Funny what a deep clean can do.  😉

Love you all, D xx